Halloween has never been one of my favorite holidays. I don't like all of the scary stuff, I never dress up and I really couldn't care less about trick-or-treating. That being said, since I became a mother the holiday took on a whole different significance. It went from being a time that I sort of dreaded, to an excuse to dress the kids up in adorable costumes and teach them how to carve pumpkins. From the time I found out I was expecting twins I began to think of all of the different, funny twin costumes I could come up with to dress them in. As halloween approaches this year, I am left with a pit in my stomach that I didn't see coming. They were going to be Thing1 and Thing 2. They were going to be adorable in their red suits and I was going to crochet matching blue fuzzy hats. Now we are missing our Thing 1. As Sawyer and I discuss Halloween costumes, what he wants to be and what Liam should be, I find myself coming back to this. They were supposed to be Thing 1 and Thing 2. A very large part of me still wants to dress Liam up as Thing 2. I know this might sound weird to some people. A Thing 2 doesn't make sense without a Thing 1. You are right, it doesn't make sense. Adeline should be here, she should be Thing 1 but she's not. It may be silly but I kind of feel like if I do this she will be here with us. Everyone will have to remember her, even strangers.
One of the hardest things about loosing Adeline was that Liam was loosing his twin. When I had to sort out and pack away her clothes after she died, the hardest ones to pack up were the matching twin outfits. On the 4th of July I pulled out their matching "my first 4th of July" outfits and lay them side by side just to see them together. This may seem like adding insult to injury or something but it was really nice to see them together, to think of her and to miss her. It is bittersweet to watch Liam grow. Even as he grows out of the matches to her outfits I can't bring myself to pack his away. It seems silly, they are just things, but they are more than that somehow. They are proof that Adeline was here and a constant reminder of who she was supposed to be. Liam has just grown into his 3-6 month clothes, the last size with these matching outfits. I am not anxious for his to outgrow these and am already dreading having to pack them away for good.
Who knows what we will decide on for Halloween. I have come up with a couple of good alternative costume ideas but none of them seem quite right. No matter what we decide on though, we will definitely be missing our Thing 1 this Halloween.
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