I started this blog, on the suggestion of a friend, to help me to express and work through all of the many feelings surrounding the birth of my twins and the death of my beautiful girl, Adeline. I though a good place to start would be the beginning.
Last October, only a couple of weeks after my birthday, I was delighted to learn that I was pregnant. As the weeks went by I became convinced that I was having twins. When we went for the 8 week ultrasound I was not surprised at all to see two little shapes on the screen. We were ecstatic and terrified all at the same time. Everything progressed as expected throughout the pregnancy until they noticed baby A had slightly enlarged kidneys at our 13 week ultrasound. Though not terribly concerned, the midwife sent us for a consultation with a specialist from Dartmouth to assess and monitor the kidney abnormality. We continued to see this specialist for all of our ultrasounds and found out the sex of both babies at the 20 week ultrasound. A girl and a boy, the perfect combination. As the pregnancy progressed and we continued to see the specialist it became clear that Adeline's kidneys were growing at an alarming rate. I remember them telling me at an ultrasound later in the pregnancy that her kidneys were average size for a 3 month old baby. Even with this definite anomaly the doctor was not terribly concerned. He told us that it could be one of many conditions but they would not be able to tell for sure until she was born. He said that her amniotic fluid levels were normal which didnt fit with any of the diagnoses he was thinking it may be and outcomes with normal fluid levels were generally good. I do have a vivid recollection of him mentioning polycystic kidney disease and thank God everyday that I did not Google this condition.
The twins decided to make their appearance in the very early hours of May 16, 2012. I woke around 12:00am with contractions. This was nothing new I had been having contractions bad enough to wake me for several months now. I quickily realized that these contractions were different though. These were definitely labor contractions. By the time I started timing them they were 7 minutes apart. By the time I got ahold of the doctor they were 3 minutes apart. By the time my sister arrived to stay with Sawyer they were just about every minute. These babies were not messing around! We rushed to the hospital and arrived at 1:15 am. I was already 8cm diatated. Once the midwife realized how quickily things were progressing she called the OB, anesthesiologist and an entire surgical team. We knew that Liam was breech and there was a chance that I might need an emergency c-section. That entire hour is a big blur as people rushed in and out of the room starting my IV, helping me change into a johnnie and preparing to wheel me to the OR. By the time we got to the OR I was 10 cm dialated and the anesthesiologist was no where in sight so we decided to just go for it! Adeline was born after only 3 pushes at 2:28 am. She cried and was placed on my chest just as I had imagined. My perfect, beautiful 4lb, 4 oz baby girl. I will never forget that perfect moment before we knew anything was wrong when she was just our baby girl. Almost immidately the doictors and nurses noticed that her color wasnt right. She wasn't "pinking up" like they wanted and they whisked her over to isolette nearby to check her out. I turned to Bill and said "We have a daughter" and it was one a the three greatest moments in my life. Liam was born almost an hour later. We were talking and laughing with the nurses and doctors. I could never have imagined giving birth like this, in a bright, crowded OR but it was the most amazing experience. Liam was born breech, in his amniotic sac at 3:18 am. It was an amazing sight and all of the probably 15 doctors and nurses crowded around to watch as he was born. No one in the room had ever witnesed a baby born " in the call".
Both babies were transferred to the stage 2 nursery and it quickly became clear that they were not equipped to handle the challenges that Adeline was having. Two teams were called from Maine Medical Center and both babies were stabilized and transferred to their NICU. I was discharged shortly after and Bill and I headed to Maine Med to be with our babies.
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