Brothers

Oh my sweet girl, if only you knew what wonderful brothers you were blessed with.  Sawyer, in particular, has amazed me throughout my pregnancy, your short little life and the 6 months since you left us.  He loves you so very much and misses you every day.  I know that he thinks about you all the time because he frequently talks about you.  For a three year old, he has an amazing grasp on the concept of death and often talks about how sad it is that you died and how he wishes you could come home.  He is certain that you are still with us though and informed me the other night that the shadows in his room couldn't hurt him because he has a sister and she is an angel.  I am sure that he is right about this and you are watching over both of your brothers. 

Sawyer was recently given a little baby girl doll.  It is just about the same size that you were when you were born, though lighter.  He has latched onto this "Adeline's baby" and has even named it Adeline.  He wanted to dress her and decided that she needed a diaper so I dug through your box in the basement and pulled out a couple of newborn outfits and a pink diaper.  He happily dressed her, undressed her, changed her diaper and redressed her for the better part of an hour.  For your crazy energetic big brother, this is quite an accomplishment.  He even made you an ornament for Christmas this year.  It is beautiful and I think is the most intricate, delicate thing that I have ever seen him make.  He even asked me to mix up pink paint just for you.  It will hang on our tree this year and every year, along with your remembrance ornament, and you will be so very missed this and every Christmas.

Liam misses you as well in his own way I believe.  When he first came home he would have moments when he was inconsolable, just wanted to be held and snuggled and even that wasn't enough.  I am certain that he was, and still is, lonely without you.  As a newborn he would stare intently at the shelf with your ashes and angel next to his bed.  Now that he is bigger and interacting with objects he has several favorite toys.  Many of them were supposed to have been yours.  He is particularly fond of your pink stuffed elephant and falls asleep talking to and snuggling with it every night.  I cannot help but picture you in the co-sleeper with him.       

Although your time here was far too short, you were blessed with a loving family and wonderful siblings. You are loved and missed more than you will ever know.  It warms my heart to hear Sawyer talk about you and claim your toys for his own because they are yours and need to be taken care of.  I love to watch Liam snuggle with your things and play with your necklace when I am holding him.  It is comforting to know that they will still be loving you and remembering you long after I am gone.